


Strength of Mind

by Mickey_99



Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24259327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_99/pseuds/Mickey_99
Summary: Shirabu's Story.(Part of a series)
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Semi Eita, Goshiki Tsutomu/Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736596
Comments: 25
Kudos: 243





	Strength of Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Human trafficking is a real threat. And its a hard subject to follow. Stay informed about the issue by going to this site:
> 
> https://polarisproject.org/national-human-trafficking-hotline/?gclid=CjwKCAjw5Ij2BRBdEiwA0Frc9R2KD8L4QO4qhHpGPo8Bz7FduOD7uBQhrxGfhiOuUpD0o8eNdfXGJRoCnbkQAvD_BwE

I grew up with drug addicted parents. It would make sense since their jobs were basically run drugs. I guess if you were around them enough you started doing them.

I also grew up being called a pretty boy.

“A face meant for fucking,” my father would say pushing me into a dark room with a man who I had never met before in my life. I would watch as money changed hands before the door closed and I was forced to my knees.

I grew to hate my face. Who wouldn’t? I had been forced to bend over, open my mouth, and ride dicks since I was six. I knew what they were doing was as wrong as their drug business. They hid all evidence of all it whenever the cops came over. And I kept my mouth shut because I was terrified. My mother was petite, and I probably could kick her ass without even trying. But my father could beat the shit out of me with a stuffed bear and still find a way to break at least five of my ribs. I was utterly terrified of my father.

When I was 7, my father suspended me in the air by my throat as another man took me from behind. It was punishment for something that I can’t even remember doing to this day. 

My mother would smile and snort her cocaine through a crack pipe. She never did anything to stop it. Not that I ever assumed she would.

I hated my parents and I hated everything they did to me. Most of all I hated how badly it hurt me emotionally to _know_ that they were the one’s doing it to me.

So, when one day after my last day of middle school I came home and saw that there were police hauling my parents off to jail, I can’t say that I was in the least bit unhappy. No, I was elated. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as I ran up to a police officer and thanked them.

But as I soon discovered bad often followed good.

I quickly apologized for randomly hugging the man.

“It’s okay kid,” The officer smiled at me,” What’s your name?”

“My name is Shirabu Kenjirou,” I said,” I am a third year in middle school. Are my parents being arrested?”

“Yes, they are,” said the officer,” A family friend gave us a tip that there were drugs in the house. She said it wasn’t good for a kid to be around them. And lucky you, she offered to take you in.”

My heart swelled as he walked me over to a nice-looking lady.

“Kenjirou right?” She asked smiling at me.

I nodded. I was feeling absolutely elated. I was out of that house. I wouldn’t have to do any of those things anymore.

I was led to the police station where I had to give my statement. It was recorded, neither the cops nor my new caretaker wanted me to have to deal with the court system with a case like this.

After all was said and done, I was led to a car by my caretaker. And when were at the car, she began to apologise.

“I’m sorry kid,” she said,” I don’t like having to do this, but she is threatening my children if I don’t.”

My heart dropped in my chest.

“What are you talking about?” I asked nervously.

“Well obviously she is trying to tell you she is not going to really be your new caretaker, I am.”

I turned around to face the voice that had just spoken. It was not the face of a kind person. Her eyes were a piercing gray-blue and her hair was black with waves.

I knew in my heart that this was going to turn out badly. I looked around for an officer that could help me, but we were to far from the entrance. I yelped as I felt a cloth cover my mouth.

_Don’t breathe in._

_Don’t breathe in._

_Don’t breathe in._

_Shit._

I slowly felt my muscles growing heavy and then I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I was in a huge bedroom, tied down to a bed. Not that far from me there was another bed, and on it there was another boy in a similar situation.

I wasn’t actually sure if he was awake or not until I heard sniveling coming from the direction of his bed.

“Hey,” I said,” Hey are you awake?”

“Yeah,” he said. But his voice sounded sad and broken,” What’s your name?”

“Shirabu Kenjirou.” My reply was simple. Honestly, I thought about not even giving him one, but the two of us were completely naked and played out on adjourning beds in the same room. I felt we should at least do an exchange of names.

He didn’t speak for a moment and I thought maybe he fell asleep. But then I heard a rattling breath.

“Mines Goshiki Tsutomu,” he said. Seconds later I heard heavy coughs coming from his side of the room. I panicked a bit, even though I didn’t quite know why.

“Hey,” I snapped coldly,” what’s wrong? You sound like you are dying over there.”

I winced slightly at my cold demeaner, that isn’t how I had wanted that to come out at all. I was never known for my bedside manner, and I hated sugarcoating things. The fact that I was even interacting with this guy was surprising.

“Yeah I guess I do,” Goshiki said,” I’ve been stuck like this for a week. I tried to tell someone what was going on, and I guess she found out. My punishment is to lie here like this for a week without food or water.”

I froze.

_A week?_

“What about the person you told?” I asked,” Surely they would do something!”

“I don’t think you understand,” Goshiki says sadly,” People are scared of her. She can either blackmail you or pay you off so easily its not even funny. The only way you get out of here is if she loses interest in you.”

“You sure sound like you know a lot,” I said,” Been here long?”

“No,” He says,” I’ve only been at this location for a few weeks. Originally my own parents were my handlers, but she killed them because they tried to quit and take me with them. I know she was also behind putting your parents behind bars.”

“Why?” I asked,” That doesn’t make sense; she was working with my parents, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah but from what I’ve overheard, it seems like your mom and dad were starting to get on her nerves. They were getting too messy and cops were showing up too often. It wouldn’t do if cops could trace the trail all the way back to her.”

I felt something cold crawling up in my stomach, something I briefly identified as panic. I quickly pushed it back down.

_Stop panicking Kenjirou._

I shifted slightly and noticed there was no pain when I did so in my lower back.

_Good, they didn’t do anything while I was asleep._

I looked down to asses my injuries when I noticed a black shape on the left side of my abdomen just above the pelvic bone.

“The hell?” I asked,” When the hell did, they tattoo a rose on my hip?!”

_A rose was definitely not my choice of a tattoo._

I grimaced because I knew that was going to be a permanent thing. God, I had never wanted a tattoo and here it was.

“What did you say?” I heard him ask. His voice sounded shocked. But I didn’t have anytime to think about it before the door swung open. The woman came in.

“Ah Tsutomu,” she said,” I hope you’ve learned your lesson. Because next time you do something like that again, it won’t be just you that gets hurt.”

I watch as the woman unties the boy on the bed beside me before picking him up by the neck and slamming him into the ground. I winced as I heard a cracking noise, and then a sharp cry of pain.

“Go stand at the foot of the bed and don’t move,” I watched as she growled in his ear the order.

The boy quickly went and stood at the foot of his bed. I hadn’t been able to see him all that clearly when we were both tied down. But now I saw that he had a bowl cut and black hair. His frame was shaking from what I assume was exhaustion and soreness. I could practically see the physical and mental fatigue rolling off him in waves. I watch as he keeps his straight-back form as best he could, even when his body was convulsing from the coughing he was doing. She came over to me and I glared.

She smirked at me. “Your parents always told me you have trouble listening to authority,” she says,” I’m starting to see it.”

I didn’t say anything, I just glared harder. Part of me hoped that maybe my glare would actually kill the vile woman in front of me.

“Wipe that glare off your face,” she says angrily.

“Fuck you!” I spit back at her.

I was expecting her to hit me. To beat the ever-living shit out of me and leave me hanging, and I wasn’t scared of what might happen. Not even in the slightest. That is, until she stalked over to Goshiki where he was standing at the end of the bed. I watched as she grabbed the poor boy by the hair and yanked him over by the hair. Now that I was finally seeing his face, I had to bite my tongue. This guy was adorable, but his face was twisted into a mixture of pain and exhaustion. I found my eyes tracing down his body as I noticed that he was malnourished. But my eyes stopped at his left hip. Because in the exact same place it was on my body, there was a rose. I looked up to his eyes and I knew he had noticed too.

Unfortunately, it seemed she had as well.

“Well, well then,” she said smiling,” I can think of a couple things we can do right now. Tsutomu, I want you to fuck him.”

The boy freezes and glances at me before curling into himself.

I winced because there was no way in hell this guy had the mental fortitude to be able to top in any relationship. In my last year of middle school, I slept around a lot, and maybe it was an unhealthy coping mechanism and all that shit. But it gave me the control I wanted over my own body. Not to mention I felt like it was sending a middle finger to all the people who had forced me into sex.

_I’m not scared of you._

And maybe my classmates were right about me being a fuckboy, but I had experience. I was a switch, that much I knew. I had enough confidence in myself to be able to go back and forth.

It takes a certain amount of mental fortitude to be on top in a consensual encounter. They are the one’s in charge after all, and if they want to be a halfway decent partner, they have to pay attention to a lot of different factors. Its stressful. Granted you were the one in control, but for some people that’s scary and it makes them uncomfortable. And based off how Goshiki was shuffling his feet on the carpet, I knew he was one of those people.

“No,” he said.

I winced as she smacked him hard across the face.

“Do it or I’ll make sure you go the next two weeks without anymore food.” She says to him.

I watch as the boy shakes his head again,” I don’t care. I’m not about to hurt him. I’m not going to rape him.”

I saw him bracing for the impact of another slap, but I cut in before anything could happen.

“I don’t mind if it’s you,” I said,” Obviously if you don’t want to that’s up to you, but I think it would be a waste if something as cute as you just wasted away tied down like an animal.”

I watched as he relaxed a bit after I called him cute. His trembling seemed to slow down too. Granted his feet were still shuffling.

I made a mental note.

_He needs affirmation._

And even with my cold demeaner I had found in the past that I really don’t mind that kind of thing. Having to give my partner affirmations during a consensual encounter wasn’t a chore. It made me feel needed.

I turned glaring at the woman standing there. She was a criminal mastermind with deep pockets. I understood completely that I wasn’t getting out of there. The best I could try to do, was make this a pleasurable experience for both of us.

“You want a show, right?” I asked glaring at her, I watched as she smirked,” Undo my hands and I will make sure you get one.”

She gave no argument but instead undid my hands. Immediately I reached out and grabbed Goshiki before laying him down gently on the bed. I knew the poor boys’ legs were probably closed to giving out for the last fifteen minutes. There was absolutely no way hey would be able to top.

“I want him to fuck you!” she spat out impatiently.

“He will,” I said annoyed,” I am going to ride him. Do his legs look like they will be able to hold him up very long?”

I tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment I felt when I realized that my first time with my soulmate would be recorded and sent to people who paid enough money. So instead of thinking about it I blocked out the fact she was even in the room.

Goshiki started shaking when I went down on him. His hand slapped over his own mouth as a moan escaped him. And goddamn I had to hold back a smirk because that was just too damn cute. I continued my ministrations to get him hard and at the same time was doing my best to prepare myself at the same time. God knows we didn’t have lube.

I looked over to check on Goshiki one last time before starting to ride him. My heart broke at the fact that he looked like he was about to cry. The woman was far enough a way with the camera that I knew I could say whatever I wanted to him if I spoke quiet enough.

I kiss him sweetly on the head. “I’ll be okay,” I whispered quietly. “And I’ll take care of you okay?”

20 minutes later I was lying behind him rubbing comforting circles into his back. Meanwhile he seemed to be so terrified that he had hurt me in some way that he wouldn’t even turn to face me.

“It’s okay,” I said, and I briefly noted how fast I was falling in love with this kid. “I am going to be strong for both of us okay.”

That night I fell asleep with Goshiki trembling in my arms, and I began wishing fate had brought us together in a different way.

The next morning, we were both fed. And we were given the rules.

“Obviously, you two know what happens if you tell,” she said with a disgusting smirk painted on her face. “You have to be home before or at eight o’clock in the evening. And if either one of you decides not to show up, I will be sure to have the other one take twice the punishment. Also, I would like to remind you that you two really have nowhere else to go. And if you get put into the foster system, it would be just as easy to have another one of my guys adopt you again.”

My fists clench. This was fucking wrong.

“I am supposed to go to Shiratorizawa,” I said angrily,” They have dorms.”

“And that’s why you live close enough to the school that they let you stay at home,” She says smirking at me.

This woman looked at me like she could see my entire future in my eyes. I hated it; I had never felt more out of control then when I was stuck under her gaze.

Goshiki didn’t speak nor did he try to protest a single part of what she said. The boy was slowly choking down his food. He was obviously starving but the week without food seemed to make it hard to keep anything down. I moved my hand to lace with his and rubbed soothing circles into his hand. I was surprising myself with how soft I was being towards this boy. But if we were in this fucked up situation, we might as well be in it together.

It was three weeks later that we were forced into our first threesome. And every part of me wanted to kill the man who was thrusting into Tsutomu’s mouth. I watched tied to the bed as Goshiki lost consciousness completely.

I glared at the man and in return got a chuckle.

“He’s not all that attractive,” The man said,” Kind of dorky looking. A pretty boy like you really deserves something better.”

And I can see it, the way Goshiki’s back tenses. It fills me with rage. Silent fury overtaking me. I withheld from saying anything; I didn’t want them to hurt Goshiki because I got stupid and spoke out of turn. Instead I bit my tongue and settled for trying to kill the man with my stare.

The man smirks at me. I can tell that he knows I am pissed. But as usual the people who are coming to “spend time” with the two of us, are underhanded sick freaks who get a kick out of what is happening to us. And this guy is a repeat customer. This had been the first time he or anyone else requested us both at once. Normally one of us would lay in bed quietly while the other was used. But today we had been forced to make-out with each other, suck the guys dick together, and the guy had wanted to watch Goshiki fuck me. In the midst of being inside me Goshiki had been ripped off of me with a surprised yelp, and while I tried to reach out, I was tied back with the linen around both my wrists. The guy had gotten sick of how scared and lost Goshiki looked while on top.

“His mouth is pretty though,” The guy says,” Probably the only thing of worth he has on him.”

_Don’t do something stupid. Don’t do something stupid. Don’t do something stupid._

“I mean he’s pitiful as a top let’s be honest,” They guy says.

_He’s trying to piss you off. Don’t do something stupid. He’s baiting you._

“That must be why he’s never been fucked up the ass before,” The guy says.

_It’s good he’s never been fucked up the ass you bastard._

“Only thing he’ll ever be good for is being on his knees.”

**_FUCK IT!!!_ **

“Shut the fuck up you bastard,” I growl out,” He’s fucking perfect.”

“Well if you think so,” he says smirking,” Maybe I should take his ass for a spin instead of yours tonight.”

“Do that and I will destroy your entire fucking bloodline,” I say leveling him with a glare.

I earn a harsh glare and a chuckle. And then the man was fucking me and chasing after his own pleasure. I gritted my teeth trying to imagine it as consensual. But something like that is almost impossible to do.

Later after the man left, I took a quick inventory of the room. The man had forgotten to untie my hands and my shoulders were sore from being held above my head for far to long. I looked over to Goshiki.

Goshiki is still crumpled on the floor. Though now he’s practically retching. He’s struggling to get the foul substance he was forced to swallow back out of his body. My heart clenched at the sight. Goshiki hardly ever went a day without feeling sick to his stomach. Even though he had never been fucked, his treatment seemed worse than mine. They would force themselves down his throat and plug his nose. And they would stay fucking his mouth like that until he was convulsing. He hardly ever talked; his voice would come out scratchy from a sore throat. Sometimes he could barely work his jaw. I watch in sadness as Goshiki passes out completely on the floor. Part of me is always nervous that he died, but after a couple weeks I figured out he was just mentally tired after everything that happens during the sessions. I didn’t blame him. The customers loved bullying him. They loved calling him a crybaby. But I needed to get my hands untied, and Goshiki needed to get off the floor.

“Tsutomu, baby,” I said,” I need you to get up.”

I watch as he groans in pain and slowly stands up. I wince as I see a clearer view of his back, that customer in particular seemed to like kicking the absolute shit out of Goshiki. He limped over to me slowly. His hands were shaking intensely.

“Sorry,” he croaks out, his voice sounds so scratchy. He winces as he speaks. He starts working on untying my hands.

“What are you sorry for?” I asked. But I winced as it came out a little bit more harshly than intended.

“If I was more attractive, they might leave you alone,” He said quietly.

My heart broke at his logic for so many reasons. Because they weren’t leaving him alone due to him being ugly. They were leaving him alone because I told them I would handle being fucked on my own. I didn’t want Goshiki’s first experience with being a bottom to be with these sick fucks.

“Tsutomu,” I said gently,” I’m glad they aren’t fucking you. I am going to be the one who you bottom for first. And I am going to make it so fucking special for you.”

I touch his face before tugging him on the bed with me. It’s silent for a moment.

“Can I ask you a question?” I say wanting to break the silence.

“Sure,” he says,” I mean there isn’t much we can actually keep from each other.”

“What’s the tattoo?” I ask,” I mean you seem a bit young to have one.”

“I used to be a drug runner,” he says quietly,” It was a way to prove who I really was.”

There was silence for another moment before I heard him speak again.

“My parents got shot when they refused to start selling my body.” He says,” Overall they were pretty shit for making me run drugs. But I have to commend them for never trying to make me do this.”

His voice was quiet. Heartbreaking. And I pulled him into my chest and just let him cry.

The first day at Shiratorizawa was a fucking mess. The previous night had been particularly rough. The guy had wanted Goshiki to go in without any prep. It had fucking hurt for both of us. And Goshiki had, for lack of a better word, dropped. The entire time that Goshiki had been inside me he was panicking. I had done my best to calm him down, but it was hard to calm him down when it was so blatantly obvious that I was in pain.

I had to limp my way to school. I ignored the curious looks from people on the street and continued on. The first thing I did was go to the gym. Everyone had to participate in at least one club. Mine was going to be volleyball.

“Oh,” I heard someone say,” Do you want to join the volleyball club?”

I turned around and had to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. The guy in front of me was gorgeous. I quickly regained control over my senses, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

“Yes,” I said,” My name is Shirabu Kenjirou.”

I watched as the guy stuck out his hand.

“Semi Eita,” The man says.” Here, take this.”

I took the club application in my hands.

“Thank you, Semi-san,” I said bowing, before leaving the gym.

That day at lunch I passed the table Semi was eating at.

“I’m telling you it’s not my tattoo,” Semi says to a tall male with spiked red hair, I recognized the guy as someone I saw in my neighborhood often,” I must have met my soulmate today without knowing it. I mean I was handing out club application forms, maybe it was one of those first years.”

“What first year would have a rose tattooed on their hip?” Asked the guy with spiky hair.

And suddenly it was as if I’d lost all coordination I though I’d ever had. I took a step, but my foot got caught on my own leg. And all at once the floor was my new best friend.

“Shit,” I muttered as I tried to get back up. A hand on my back was suddenly there.

“Hey,” a voice said,” Are you alright? Man, you just tripped on your own two feet; that’s talent.”

I heard snickers from the table I had just tripped because of and I felt a flash of annoyance.

I looked up and glared at the man who was trying to help me only to see Semi. The man in response took a step back and put his hands up as a peace offering.

“Sorry,” I said,” Was looking for a place to sit and got lost in thought.”

“You can come sit with us,” Semi says hurriedly.

“You sure?” I ask. But I was more asking myself than anyone else. Asking whether or not this would be a good idea.

“Of course,” I hear him say,” We are your Senpais after all. What kind of senpai would I be if I didn’t help the underclassman where I could.”

I felt a small smile make its way on my face. I would have to talk to Goshiki first, but I had a feeling this guy would fit right in with us.

Later that night I spoke to Goshiki and told him we had a third soulmate.

“You should tell him who you are,” Goshiki said to me,” Don’t mention me yet because I want to meet him first, but you should.”

I felt like I could hear an underlying message beyond those words. But I couldn’t decipher what it was.

It took me a few months before getting the courage up to talk to Semi about our matchup as fated partners. Every time I thought about doing it, I would chicken out and plan to try again the next day. Finally, after 3 months of chickening out I threw caution to the wind.

Granted I probably should have chosen a better way of getting his attention other than shoving him in the supply closet and taking off my shirt. But hindsight is 20/20 and I honestly just needed to get the conversation over with. I had covered any bruises I had had with make-up, so my skin looked perfectly pristine minus the tattoo. Unfortunately, it ended up being he was too freaked out with me shoving him in a semi dark room and ripping off my shirt to notice the color red standing out on my left hip.

“What the hell!?” The man says as I shove him into the supply closet,” Shirabu you’re like super-hot and all but I have met my soulmate already.”

I facepalm so hard I thought I heard my brain rattle.

“I know,” I said sighing, at the same time I was gesturing to my own tattoo. I’m not good at this feeling shit so can you just see what I am trying to say and let us be done with it.”

The sight would have been amusing if I wasn’t so fucking nervous. Semi was sitting on his ass in the middle of a darkened equipment room and staring at my half naked body with a look of utter awe on his face.

“Goddamn,” He said,” And here I was thinking I would never end up with a soulmate as pretty as you.”

I let out a squawk of surprise because it just wasn’t fair to catch a guy off guard like that. I felt my cheeks flame up and I did my best to make my face go back to my resting bitch face form.

Semi chuckled, it actually made my knees weak. “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you blush.”

And as great as this moment was supposed to be, at the same time I felt off. Something was missing. _Someone_ was missing. And while I knew exactly who said person was, Semi didn’t and part of me longed to tell him.

_I want to meet him first._

Goshiki’s voice echoed through my head and part of me understood. Because if Goshiki had to wait, he also had something to hold onto. The logic seemed fucked up at first glance, but our entire lives were fucked up so this was nothing new. So instead of spilling Goshiki’s secrets I instead bit my tongue and kept quiet.

As the year went on Semi and I tried our best to get along. But we were both hot-headed people. I knew we were missing a vital role in the sequence every time we got in each other’s faces. But I bit my tongue and held back from saying anything because waiting to meet Semi was what made Goshiki get out of bed in the morning. And I couldn’t wait for the two of them to meet because as much as I loved Semi, sometimes I wanted to throw him into orbit.

I knew it would happen when Goshiki came to Shiratorizawa for his first year, but I didn’t realize it would happen as the two of us were walking through the main gates side-by-side. Goshiki was smiling a huge smile. Probably a mix between excitement over meeting Semi, and relief of being able to attend school with me. I was sticking close to Goshiki’s side and I was gripping his hand in my own. His palms were slightly sweaty, telling me that under the excitement was nervousness.

Suddenly Goshiki jumped as a hand landed on his shoulder. I felt a threatening aura and immediately swore inside me head because, damnit Semi I was literally looking for you to explain and no this is going to turn into an argument.

I quickly grabbed both their hands and yanked them off to a more secretive area, away from the prying eyes of our classmates.

“Why the hell are you holding his hand?” Eita shouts, “You know I didn’t realize we were in an open relationship now.”

I watched as Semi made a grab for Goshiki and I felt my rage grow to an unknown level. Goshiki was absolutely terrified, and this had not been how I wanted this to go.

I grabbed Eita’s wrist in a tight hold,” Fucking stop it,” I said angrily,” I was about to explain what was going on when we got here. Now calm down, can’t you see he’s fucking shaking.”

Eita seemed to relax slightly before letting his hand that was reaching for Goshiki to drop back to his side. He still looked pissed.

“Fine explain,” he said, though he seemed pissed off at the entire situation.

“Alright.” I said, I was trying my best to come up with a way to do this. Polybonds weren’t common. Honestly when it happens it throws you off most the time. “Tsutomu, baby, show him your- “

But I cut myself off when I saw the look in his eyes. It was completely filled with self-hatred, fear, and the worst one _acceptance_.

“Be happy together,” he chokes out before running off in a random direction.

I made to run after him, but a wrist caught my hand.

“You said you would explain,” Semi says.

I felt anger flush through me.

“Let me go now,” I spat angrily, I was immediately thinking about the cuts that had started making their way across the young boy’s body,” He’s not in a good place right now, I don’t want him doing something stupid. If he fucking dies, I’m blaming you.”

I watched his eyes widen slightly at the pure anger shining in my eyes, and his grip loosens. His hand is about to drop to his side when I grab it quickly.

“You’re helping me fix this,” I growl out before dragging him along behind me. I knew he was having trouble keeping up with me because sometimes I would feel the tug on my arm and a telltale sign of stumbling.

We ran around the entire building before happening upon a shed at the edge of the academy grounds. It was empty of people except for a lone figure sitting against the wall and burying their face into their knees. I sprinted over finally letting go of Semi’s hand. But from the sounds behind me I knew he was still following.

“Tsutomu,” I said, and I winced as I noticed a distinctive red on the sleeves of his white school shirt,” Baby let me see what you did.”

Tsutomu lets out a choked sob and offers me his hand with the palm facing down. I quickly turned over his arm. It was bad, worse than he had done the last time. Normally I wouldn’t comment and would just clean him up and cuddle him close. But today I was scared, hurt, and tired.

“Tsutomu it needs to stop,” I said. I briefly recognized that Semi had stopped beside me. But my eyes were drawn to the red soaking through his shirt around his abdomen too. The three of us didn’t have a bond of pain yet so I had to rely on observations to know when my partners were hurt.

“Tsutomu,” I said quietly,” Take off your shirt baby.”

I gently put down my school bag and opened it up to find the first-aid kit I always kept in there. Meanwhile Semi stepped forward to help Goshiki out of his shirt. I was grateful because even though Semi was probably hurt and still angry, he still was willing to help me, despite not having been told Goshiki was his soulmate as well. It hadn’t crossed my mind in the moment, but after I heard him let out a sharp gasp, I remembered the tattoo.

“Shit,” The Eita says,” Fuck! I am so fucking sorry.”

And this definitely wasn’t how I had wanted this to go down, but I was glad we were at least on the same page now. I tried to push my anger out of my voice when I spoke now. Goshiki hated yelling.

“I knew him before I knew you,” I said before hurrying along so he couldn’t cut me off,” When we met, he asked if I would wait to tell you about him until you met when he started high school. He’s been in some really tough times and you were what he has been looking forward to for the last year.”

Goshiki was still refusing to talk or meet anyone’s eyes. I slowly began cleaning each one of his cuts with anti-septic and I bit my tongue whenever he winced.

“Can we stop using that?” Tsutomu asks,” It burns.”

“Stop hurting yourself and it wouldn’t be a problem,” I snapped.

He winced and flinched away from me before relaxing again.

“Why are you here,” He asks,” You should just let me die.”

I briefly heard Semi fall to his knees behind me. I knew he was trying to figure this all out, and I knew he was hating himself. But I was hyper focused on the words Goshiki had said to me.

“Because I love you,” I said kissing his head.

I was trying to remain strong because I wasn’t like Goshiki. I wasn’t good at taking care of people in a loving fashion. The only person I did these things for was Goshiki. I wasn’t vocal about my feelings. I preferred to show my love. Though sometimes that was lost on Goshiki. And maybe that’s why this conversation broke my heart.

“You could love him more,” Goshiki says,” He’s more attractive then me. Maybe if I was pretty like the two of you, he would love me but I’m not. I’m pathetic.”

I jump in surprise as suddenly Goshiki is blocked by my vision by Eita. I move slightly so I can see both their faces.

“Jesus Christ,” I hear him say,” How can you say your not attractive. Why do you think I got so damn mad earlier? It was because there was this fucking adorable guy I’d never seen before holding hands with my beautiful boyfriend. I’d thought maybe Kenjirou had found someone more worth his time than me. For a second I was even jealous of him holding your hand.”

I watched in utter amazement as Semi was able to coax a smile out of the boy I had never seen before. And suddenly I knew exactly why fate had paired all of us together. Semi was naturally gentle it was never forced, I brought out the side of him that was competitive and wild. Goshiki, I already knew, made me softer taming the wildness I had just a bit. We worked; it was a flow. It was beautiful.

And all at once it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, I didn’t have to be strong by myself anymore.

Later that night I turned to Goshiki, “What do you say about getting out of here? I know Semi took in Tendou when he was in trouble. Maybe he would help us.”

“Could we?” And his voice is so damn hopeful that I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah,” I said,” let’s make this our last night here okay?”

He nodded happily.

I wish I had just snuck us out of the house, because that night had been absolute hell. There was blood on my thighs by the end of it and Goshiki was covered in cold water and was forced to sit on the ground tied to the edge of the bed while he was forced to use his mouth.

The man left without untying either of us.

It took me five hours of struggling to get myself untied. By the end of it my wrists had been rubbed raw. I stood on shaky legs and made my way over to Goshiki. He was shivering and his head was burning up. I winced as I picked him up and I felt a pull in my back. I carefully set him on the bed. I wrap myself around him and fall into a restless and uncomfortable sleep.

The pain seemed to be worse the next morning, and worse so did Goshiki. The boy couldn’t even walk on his own. And I was in no state to carry him. Neither of us had ever been given a cellphone of any kind so I couldn’t call Semi.

I felt panic rise in my chest because I was going to have to leave him here in this vulnerable state while I went to find Semi.

“Hey,” I said to him,” I need to go tell Semi, I am going to get us both out of here okay?”

He nods,” I’ll be okay,” he tells me.

I smile slightly and kiss him on the head.

“Soon Semi, you, and I will be together and safe,” I said quietly.

I arrived at the school gates still limping. The usually three-minute walk took me 15 that morning. I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach.

“Hey Kenjirou,” I heard Eita say,” Are you okay? You look awful?”

“Can we go to your place?” I ask,” Please!”

He looked at my face hesitantly. He seemed to find something in my face because he hauled me up on his back and turned to walk the 5 minutes back to his house. I slowly felt myself growing more and more dizzy.

By the time we reached his house and he had put me down to unlock the door there were black spots covering my vision.

“Please help,” I said my eyes full of tears before collapsing into Eita and the world went dark.

When I came to, it was dark outside. And the panic I felt in that moment was worse than I had ever felt in my life.

“What time is it?!” I shouted.

“10:20 pm.” Eita responded,” You were out for the whole day. It seems like you were overly exhausted.”

My heart dropped and I flung myself off the couch and out of the door.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

_Please god no._

**__ **

**_ You have to be home before or at eight o’clock in the evening. And if either one of you decides not to show up, I will be sure to have the other one take twice the punishment. _ **

I pushed my legs to go faster as the house came into view. And as I sprinted up the walkway someone appeared in the door carrying a suitcase and wearing a mask and some sunglasses despite the time of day.

**_IT WAS HER._ **

“Oh, you did decide to come back after all,” She says,” Lucky for you, I am done with you. I have new business to attend to. I was going to bring Tsutomu with me, but I am pretty sure that toy is broken now.”

She waved her hand in dismissal and I felt my heart sink to my stomach.

“Since you weren’t here, all the customers you’ve been holding back from trying him out got to use his pretty ass today,” she said.

“I passed out!”

“Guess you weren’t strong enough then.” Her eyes glare into my soul.

I feel my heart shatter. The pieces that were held together so clumsily were starting to fall apart.

“What’s she talking about Kenjirou,” I heard Eita say. I hadn’t even noticed he was right behind me until he spoke.

I ignored him in favor of racing into the huge house and up to the room we normally did business in. Throwing open the door I fell to my knees.

Goshiki was covered in blood. His eyes were glassy and unmoving as he stared at a singular spot on the wall. If it hadn’t been for the very labored breathing, I wouldn’t even know he was still alive.

“Tsutomu,” I say running over to him,” God I am so sorry. I went to get Eita like I said. And then I passed out. Oh my god I should have been here.”

Tears were running down my face and I was a sobbing mess. Behind me I heard Eita on the phone with an ambulance. I felt a hand touch my face and I looked down to see that Goshiki was now staring at me and wiping my tears away.

“I knew you would come back,” he says giving me a smile,” I’m just glad I got to see you both one last time.”

Suddenly I feel a surge of emotion course through my body as I release everything, I felt towards the boy in front of me. Some of it was stuff I hadn’t even told myself.

“Please Tsutomu,” I said, a heart stopping sob made its way out of my mouth. I threw my head forward and buried it into his chest. There were cuts all over his body. Deep ones. They had been torturing him. And that sent another wave of absolute agony through me. “You don’t understand. I… I’m a better person when I am with you. I hate the person I am without you. I used to hate myself. You made me better. So please don’t leave me.”

I can barely see anything as tears blur my vision, but I vaguely hear Semi trying to keep Goshiki awake.

“Come on darling,” I hear Eita say,” I need you to stay awake for me until the ambulance gets here.”

I realized Eita was rubbing soothing hands through Goshiki’s hair. I looked up and I saw tears in his eyes too. Everything turned into a blur.

Paramedics came into the room along with some police officers. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. It was as if the last pieces of my sanity were breaking apart.

I looked down at my hands suddenly noticing, being hyper-aware of how sticky they felt.

_Tsutomu’s Blood._

**__ **

**_Guess you weren’t strong enough._ **

**__ **

**_ I am going to be strong for both of us okay. _ **

**__ **

I feel my throat burning as I let out a scream. I feel a flood as emotion and pain as the bonds snapped into place. And suddenly everything went dark.

When I woke up again, I was lying in a hospital bed. Memories immediately came rushing back. I shot up in bed causing the heart rate monitor to pick up.

Suddenly I felt hands pushing me back down.

“He’s fine,” I heard Eita say,” He’s alive. He’s laying in the second bed on the other side of the room.”

I look over to fact check his statement and I see that he is right. Tsutomu looks a lot better as well. Though he is still wrapped head to toe in bandages.

“Both of you have been out for a couple days,” I hear Eita say,” Tsutomu just went back to sleep after being given more pain meds. I was able to calm him down, but I think you’re the only one that can make him open up.”

I relaxed once I had heard Tsutomu was doing okay.

“You both scared the hell out of me,” Eita says,” Thought I was going to lose you both. You went into shock and I guess that paired with your body’s exhaustion caused a shutdown. Please tell me things from now on okay. I can’t lose you. I know I only just met Goshiki, but I can’t lose him either. I’ve fallen so hard for both of you.”

“I promise it will start to be okay now,” I said quietly.

Semi took us into his house. He was 18 and the cops decided it was safest to put us with our soulmate. The cops couldn’t find the woman. Apparently, the name on the house belonged to a male from America. And her description that we gave didn’t match the face of anyone in the database.

They scored the house for fingerprints and there was none.

They put our case in a file for if more evidence ever showed up.

_We were forgotten about._

Things got better overall though. We no longer had to please customers every night. And Goshiki made friends with Tendou.

When Tendou and Semi had to go to their universities Goshiki and I still stayed in Miagi and took care of things at home. It almost felt empty without the two upperclassmen though. And I briefly wondered if Goshiki would be okay by himself when I had to go to university the next year. Third year seemed to guy by fast with that thought on my mind.

At the end of our school year Semi showed up in the doorway receiving an armful of Tsutomu. Tendou stood in the doorway shuffling sadly from one foot to the next.

“I thought you were going to stay with Ushijima-san,” I said to him.

I watched as he flinched slightly before waving his hand about.

“He got busy,” Tendou says smiling before making a beeline towards his room.

For the next few weeks, we barely saw Tendou. But we spent most of our time watching movies. Thoughts were flying through my head anxiously. I needed to stop thinking about the words she said to me. But it was so hard when I saw Goshiki waking up from nightmares practically every night.

**_Guess you weren’t strong enough._ **

My phone went off while I was sitting on the couch with my soulmates one night. Goshiki’s went off at the same time.

_**Shouyou**_ **has** _added **You** ,_ _**Kageyama Tobio, Kunimi Akira**_ _,_ _**Tendou Satori**_ _,_ _**Goshiki Tsutomu**_ _,_ _**Yamaguchi Tadashi**_ _,_ _**Yaku Morisuke**_ _, and_ _**Akaashi Keiji**_ _to a group chat._

_**Shouyou:**_ _This is Hinata Shouyou from Karasuno High School._ If _you have burning questions about your past that you need answered, come to Tokyo on Sunday. Kenma and Kuroo’s place. If you can’t or don’t want to that’s fine, it’s your choice. But if you have any desire to have answers, I have some._

I knew immediately what question I wanted to ask.

**_ How can I be strong enough? _ **

**_ [Join the discord!!!](https://discord.gg/ebQ9kg5Q7r) _ **

**Author's Note:**

> I am so so so so so so sorry about how late this getting compared to the others. But here he go. Let me know what you think. I am trying to decide whether or not to actually do Goshiki's story since there would be so much overlap. I may do certain parts of it. 
> 
> I love you all you make me so happy with all your kind comments. And you are all beautiful and amazing people.


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